Sunday, June 22, 2008
BABIES AND CHURCH DO NOT MIX . . .
Today was a rough day. Sundays are always stressful, trying to take care of a VERY active ten-month-old all by myself. My day starts out very, very early. Since Mike is gone to bishopric meetings all morning, I have to be sure to get up before Aiva does so I can take my shower and get ready. Lately, she's been getting up earlier than usual, so today I got up even before Mike. Right on cue, as I'm getting out of the shower, Aiva woke up. The rest of my morning is spent trying to feed Aiva and myself, do my makeup and hair (while trying to keep Aiva from emptying the garbage can or unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper) and as of this morning, she's decided that she is deathly afraid of my blowdryer. Church has been kind a joke lately, but today . . . I feel like my happy, sweet little ten-month-old has turned suddenly into a two-year old. She is really not very entertained by toys. She would much rather be crawling all over the chapel, or hitting the person sitting closest to us (although I try to maintain a very wide berth between us and anyone else) or throwing her toys behind the pew where I can't get to them, or trying to tear pages out of the hymn books. And the worst part is that when I try to put a stop to any of these things, Aiva throws a tantrum. Yes, my ten-month-old is throwing tantrums. Which includes arching her back, and going into dead-weight mode, and screaming. Meanwhile, I can see my husband sitting up on the stand smiling at us. I'm sure it's funny to watch. But I am exhausted. You see, nine o'clock is about Aiva's nap time. And she doesn't get to take that nap until church is over three hours later. So we aren't making it much past the sacrament before I take her out in the hall. Today I tried taking her to a dark, quiet room and just holding her, but she screamed bloody-murder for about ten minutes before I gave up and just let her roam the halls, with me trailing behind her. Mike was a good help today during Sunday School, but I ended up leaving right before Relief Society. I just didn't have it in me to wrestle with Aiva for another hour, as I could already see the tears swimming just thinking about it. Most of the time I can keep a sense of humor about this whole thing, but today I just didn't have the patience that I needed. Does anyone have any suggestions??? How can you discipline a baby that is too young to understand? Is there something little that I can do NOW to start teaching her that some behaviors are inappropriate? I don't expect to be able to get a lot out of church right now, but I'm so tired of fighting with my very strong-willed child for three straight hours (somewhere my mom is singing the sweet songs of revenge). I feel guilty, because today is one of the first days that I have really looked at my baby and felt resentment. Most of all, I'm thinking, HOW IN THE HECK AM I GOING TO DO THIS WHEN I HAVE ANOTHER ONE???
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Hi you don't know me but I was Blog hopping around and I came across yours and your cute family, and just wanted you too know what a great wife and mother you are to just get too church! This morning I just couldn't do it, I have two girls and my husband works almost every sunday so its just me and the past couple of sundays its been so hard too even get to church, so don't feel bad you are doing so much better than I ever could! And your a great example to make people like me try harder to at least get there! And it does get a bit harder with two.. Okay alot harder :) but you are putting in such great effort :) So just wanted too say Good Job! ps when they can go play in nursery church is much more pleasant!
Oh Elise..I totally feel your frustration! And I am pretty sure every mother that goes to church does too! You just have to remember, they have all been there and totally understand! I would always get so embarrassed and upset, but I have realized, it just comes with being a mother and nobody else even cares that your baby is crying or throwing things..(There just happy it's not there's this week) I know I couldn't get up that early and get everything ready AND do sacrament alone, so you are doing phenomonal in my eyes! By the way, church is SO much more "spiritually uplifting" when your child is in nursery! Oh, do I love nursery. I better enjoy it while I can before baby # 2 comes!!
I remember those days! I feel for you. It's HARD. Just know that it does get eaiser (or maybe you just get over worrying about what other people think). Oh, and yes, I agree with the above comments! Nursery IS nice (just sent my second in for the first time today, so now they are BOTH in there. It was lovely).
Elise;
I feel your pain! Faith has been throwing the same tantrums since about 10 months: arching the back, screaming, throwing everything in site. It's so exhausting especially at church! I had a breakdown moment of mine at church once and told a lady that it's just easier not to come because I'm not getting anything out of the meetings anyway and that way Faith can get her naps. And she said something to me that I can't get out of my mind. It was profound to me at least. She said, "Now that you're a mother, the learning isn't so much for you anymore...it's for your daughter. And by being her with her and sacrificing her naps and struggling through this you are teaching her how important it is to be at church. And that will be something that resonates through her her whole life long; that her mother always went to church regardless of how hard it is at times, and she should too." Ever since then, it's been a little easier for me...now that I have a slightly different perspective.
Anyway it's rough...as for the tantrums, I don't always know what to do either. But I did learn something in my psychology children's classes that I do...and you can try it to. It's hard though. When she throws her tantrums and arches her back and screams...they say that you're just suppose to put them down on the floor and let them cry it out. Sit down next to them and just offer comforting words like, "I love you, but you can't act like this to get your way. When you're ready to settle down you can come to me and I'll hold you." It's hard at first because they don't understand what you're saying, but I just kept it up and Faith at least gets the concept now that she can crawl to me when she's ready and then she'll hug me and settle down. I don't know. This mother stuff is hard. I wish we all had the answers. It's nice being able to validate and comfort each other through it.
I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, luckily Nevi still sleeps through most of church! But good luck, and I'm sure she will get the hang of it soon!
Elise I feel your pain too. It does get better as they get older and understand that they need to be reverent. Jackson is 2 1/2 and he is now starting to be a good boy in church. Especially now that he has nursery to go and get some energy out. The only advise that I have for you is the same as everyone else. That is that if Avia is being naughty don't worry about what everyone is thinking, cause even though they might being staring at you it is only cause they have been there, and for some reason I think that they find humor and empathy for you. It will get better I promise, but for now kudos to you for even trying to make it through church, my husband used to just stay home with Jackson cause it was so hard.
I'm so sorry! It's rough...so rough. Maybe try sitting next to a family with young women or an older couple with grown kids and let them help. Most are more than happy to play with a cute baby. And maybe she will be occupied with the new faces?? Also, if you don't have a calling, try hanging out in nursery or in the back of the primary room. Sometimes the other kids and the singing distracted Saylor, or in the nursery I wouldn't have to worry about keeping her quiet. I agree with Aubs too. And never underestimate the power of Cheerios. I would hold Saylor on my lap and point out things and talk to her the whole time (thats how she learned her shapes so early). It really does get easier...hang in there.
I was blog hopping like someone above. I'm friends with Marky's older sister. I can totally feel for you. I have a 2 year old that has been in his terrible 2's for many months (plus we have a newborn now). I don't know if it will work for you but you may want to see if she can start taking naps at a different time; it may or may not be worth it to redo her schedule (our son was never on one). I don't advocate kids watching a lot of TV but my son loved Baby Einstein (and, oh yes, Barney) at that age and to make my life easier while getting ready I'd stick him the Play Yard or strap him in the swing and set him in front of the TV. One thing that really helped us was toys! I don't mean we let him play with whatever. We got some bright fun books at Seagull. We got a cheap MagnaDoodle thing at Walmart for 88 cents; you could also try little dolls or animals. Our rule is he can stand on the floor and turn and face the bench or sit on the bench but not he cannot sit on the floor because there is no getting him back from that. Once we started letting him have a little freedom in the chapel he settled down (and this child goes non-stop most of the day). When we go out into the foyer, we hold him on our laps so he learns it is not fun to be out there. When worst comes to worst--take her in a room and let her run around for a little while. Not the best to do every Sunday but at least you'll get some relief and maybe she'll wear herself down a bit. It does get better! The age between crawling and Nursery is the hardest! Good Luck!!
Elise -
I found your blog and wanted to say hello! Your little girl is absolutely darling!! Good luck with the church thing. I always feel bad for mom's like you when I see them and I am sure I will have the same experience someday too! Hang in there. I will have to add you to our blog so we can keep in touch! I am glad to see that you guys are doing well!
Elise you are not a bad mom!! Church is hard with a little one and expessially if Mike can't be there to help. I have noticed that the bigger and more active Annabelle is getting the harder it is at church. She wants to get into everything and is everywhere! Church is right in the middle of her nap time too so I feel for you. Annabelle is at that stage to if I take away something she is playing with she FREAKS OUT! I just think it is our challange and I think the older Ava gets the better it will get (we hope :)). That is funny that Ava is afraid of the blow dryer because Annabelle went through a stage she was afraid of the blow dryer too and it mades it hard to get ready! Good Luck and I do feel for you and sorry I don't have any advice but know you are not alone. Also we need to get togeter sometime and have a playdate! Keep in touch! Heidi J
I tAgGeD yOu!
Hey Elise and Mikey! I finally found your blog! It's so cute! So Elise, I can totally relate to the whole church thing. We had the same battles for a while and still do sometimes, but it does get better. Even though we don't want Parker getting in the habit of getting out and playing and wandering in the halls, that is the only thing that saved us for a while. Nursery is a life saver once you get to that point--if you can hang in there until then. Otherwise, I agree--if you've had enough, just leave :) And be grateful you have a calling that doesn't require you to stay and teach that final hour. Ugh...
I love all the new things you add to your blog, they are so fun. Thanks so much for being at the blessing, we are so happy that Mike was able to be in the circle. Thanks again and we will see you guys soon. Tag your it.
Elise...this is Alexis. I came across your blog and had to check it out. I hope you don't mind. I guess that is something positive about going to Bonneville...everyone is still somewhat connected....especially with all the blogging going on.
I have to tell you that I think you do an AMAZING job at church...especially during sacrament. I read this and thought what? You are one who I look at and think okay...she is doing it all by herself (while Mike is up on the stand). Aiva always seems to be so happy and content...while my two little ones always seem to be screaming. Anyway I had to tell you that I think you do a great job...but if you do make it into the hall I am sure I will see you there. We seem to spend a good amount of time out there as well these days.
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