Hi there! Okay, I need some more parenting advice. I am the first to admit that I am not a professional mom yet, and I can't do this all by myself! When I'm at a loss, I turn to all you other moms out there.
So my latest struggle has been with my sweet/stubborn 3-year-old. She can be the nicest, sweetest little thing one minute, and the next minute she is crazed, defiant preschooler. I don't know if this is normal for most 3-year-olds (this is my first time with one, after all), but seriously, she has THE WORST tantrums! The biggest issue is when we ask her to do anything - I mean, ANYTHING. Something as simple as, "let's put your shoes on." It's like she just chooses an issue to be defiant on, and n-o-t-h-i-n-g will deter her.
I have an example of just how stubborn Aiva is. This was quite some time ago, but it is a good example. We were in the grocery store, and she didn't want to sit in the cart, so I was buckling her in tighter, and she hit me, so I took to a corner in the store, and made her sit in "time out" until she had calmed down. She did, and thinking to myself, "man am I good at this" I resumed my shopping. After about ten seconds, Aiva started swinging her arms and legs, trying to hit me again, very deliberately, and said, "Mommy, come closer. I want to hit you so I can go back to time out." Oh. My. Heck. I had to just back away and pretend to be very interested in cheese to not lose it in the middle of the store. My little toddler had outsmarted me.
I have tried every method of discipline I can think of during these episodes. I stick her in time-out. I hold her firmly in my lap, with the promise that I'll let go when she calms down (sometimes this one comes to a halt because she bites or head-butts me). She is NOT usually this physical, but she has her moments. Usually it's just constant screaming that won't quit. I've tried taking away her favorite blanket and pillow. And after a long, draw-out battle I can usually manage to get her out of her fit, but when another tantrum is triggered, we're back at square one. I can't seem to figure out how to stop the tantrum without resorting to every trick in the book to get her out of it! And too often I end up using my last resort - spanking. She drives it on and on and on until that point. And I HATE spanking. And the threat of a spanking doesn't defer her in the slightest.
So I just had a thought . . . I think that I need to divide the discipline into 2 stages: #1 - somehow snapping her out of the fit. #2 - discipline deserved for the actual behavior. When she's in the middle of her tantrums, she's just not in the mindset to learn anything, so I'm thinking that I've got to do the actual discipline afterward, when she's thinking clearly and can actually "get it."
I DO just put her in her room a lot and tell her she can come out when she's calm, but there are situations where that just doesn't work. Like, we're in a hurry to go somewhere, or we're not at home.
So please help me! She just is not responding to the traditional stuff. And I'm pretty good at follow-through. If I threaten her with something, I follow it out. I won't threaten something I don't mean. But I need some creative discipline ideas. Especially ideas of how to snap her out of the fits. My mom gave me one: throwing a bit of water from a glass into her face.
I'm open to anything! Help me!!!!
P.S. I feel almost bad posting this, because Aiva has been a good girl today. I just put her down for bed. She helped me clean her room. She said her prayers. And after lights were out, I sang to her while she laid her head in my lap and I stroked her hair. Moments like that make me wonder where the other ones come from???? Sigh . . .
I don't think I've mentioned our newest love - our Toyota Sienna. We are the proud owners of a Swagger Wagon, and I'm in love. This was our first major trip with it, and it made travel SO nice! Aiva loves her movies and her popcorn!!
Sigh . . . sniff . . . The Park. I miss you.
Emma is a momma's girl if there ever was one. She was with Daddy (whom she really does love to death, but if she'll feeling the slightest bit off, only Mom will do) and not having it. Being in unfamiliar territory made her very clingy for our entire trip. I just thought these were funny.
Grandma Margaret would sit Emma in the neighboring sink while she did dishes. I have GOT to try this at home!
My cute girls.
